Shabbat Shalom to everybody, everybody but …

Abbreviated version

Friday quickie: 

This week will be an abbreviated Shabbat Shalom to everybody. I am busier now than when I ran my company. My first interview with Cal Thomas, syndicated columnist, author, and a great guy, is being processed and will be ready next week. 

For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, including perhaps me, I am starting a podcast called “The World doesn’t need another podcast, PODCAST.” I pushed the first episode until the end of next week. 

Some other important news. I recently received my 23 and me results. 23 and me use genetic testing to tell you, among other things, who your ancestors are and where they are from. It was extremely shocking. I am an Ashkenazi Jew.  Wow, earth-shattering news. I think they look at the signature, “Oh, Levine” must be an Ashkenazi Jew. They threw out the saliva and put me in the Jew pile. I may be wrong here …

I discovered that I have neanderthal genes, which some may NOT think is shocking. It is a tiny amount, but there is enough for me to decide the following. 

I am now part of an oppressed group. The media is committing genocide against us. When was the last time you saw a Neanderthal in public? See ? 

I will apply for any Government grant, money, and benefits I can for oppressed groups. Yes, Neanderthals are oppressed, and they should be in the hierarchy of the oppressed. I don’t think we are white; we definitely look different, at least in museums.  I want the following immediately. 

Neanderthal casinos need to be built. Indian casinos need to be torn down. After all, we were there first. 

Separate Neanderthal bathrooms, family bathrooms.

We want our own television shows on MSNBC where we can spew our homo sapiens invective daily. Not there is nothing wrong with that.

Yes, homo sapiens, are dangerous, a growing threat to Democracy, and have less hair than we do.

All GAP stores will have to be closed they look too Sapien, brimming with SAPIEN privilege.

Legal exceptions for pulling our girlfriend’s or wives’ hair when we want to.  I don’t. Perhaps I don’t have enough neanderthal in me”. 

I am now the self-appointed representative of the Neanderthal nation. I will sue any sports team that uses cavemen or other culturally appropriated foods, music, television, or movies without the expressed written permission from said representative, ME. That is unless I hear from any other neanderthals.

Foods like. Ribs, I am going after Hannah Barbera for that scene of a huge neanderthal dinner brisket on the side of Fred Flintstones’ car. 

. We want our dignity back. We have rights. Those guys on the Geico commercials are “ Uncle Freds.”They should be ashamed of themselves. 

Foods: Kebabs, neanderthal invented this. There were no barbecues, just fires. The only food we lived on were saber tooth tigers, wooly mammoths, and such to eat. A cease and desist is going out to anybody who uses kabobs and skewers in their recipes. 

We have our rights. 

I will keep you updated on this. 

In the meantime, have a wonderful weekend, and drink apple cider ( no kebabs) and pumpkin pie. 

Shabbat Shalom to everybody this week. Except for very bad peeps and Neanderthal deniers. 

Larry Levine

Larrymlevine.com 

Write larry@larrymlevine.com or

llevine805@gmail.com